Is Food Your Substitute For Love?

"Forget love, I'd rather fall in chocolate." I saw that on a bumper sticker. Who wants to fall in love? Well, judging by the success of every online dating site despite the failing economy, I would say most people are looking for love or looking for ways to improve their relationship. Unfortunately, the sweetness of romance can be unkindly bitter and with that in mind, the sweetness of cakes and Halloween candy and ice cream can feel like a sure thing. It can seem like a rational conclusion to make...don't fall in love...fall in chocolate...but there are probably some things that you might not have considered.

If You're in a Relationship

There are many ways we abandon and betray our partners in relationships. The most obvious way is cheating with another person. But there are much more subtle ways we abandon and betray our partners for instance focusing all our energy on the pets or children, being obsessed with work, not listening, being easily distracted, being constantly busy (cleaning, cooking, doing, planning) and one you might not expect is emotional eating. When food becomes our obsession it's not that different from taking a lover. It's just that the lover we've taken doesn't have a heartbeat. We obsess about food the way someone might obsess about a mistress, we think about the private time we'll get with a particular food the way one might when they're having an affair, we focus on food and shut the other person out. With all those thoughts of food, how can we consider our partners? They say that adultery is just a symptom that something else is wrong in the relationship. You might have taken food as your lover after many years of being disappointed in your partnership. Perhaps you've given up trying to make it work and figure I won't get the love, affection, communication or acknowledgment from my partner that I need so I might as well give myself the pleasure of eating what I want. Only problem, is when food fills your mind you've left the relationship. You intercept your best thinking by feeding yourself instead of feeding your love. When you give up food as your lover you can see one of a few things clearly. 1. Food may have been helping you tolerate being in a relationship that just doesn't work anymore and perhaps it's time to do something about that. 2. If you feed your relationship as much as you've been feeding yourself the passion in your relationship might just reignite. 3. Food may have been the third wheel in your relationship.

If You're Single

Many people that I talk to say that they eat out of loneliness. A lot of binging and overeating happens at night and on the weekend. When I inquire more deeply into why that might be it's often because one associates the night or the weekend with special time that they'd like to be spending with a partner. It's normal to be lonely when you wish you were with someone. Only problem with taking food as a substitute lover is that each time you overeat or binge you feel less attractive and less confident. This has something to do with weight but not everything. There are plenty of overweight people that have partners that are attracted to them. However, when you use food for emotional reasons, as you gain weight you lose your sense of self. And as you lose your sense of self you feel less and less confident. Each time you use food as your lover, you delay learning the skills you need to meet a suitable partner and you chip away at your self-confidence. The reality is that food never gives you the love that you're looking for. It doesn't talk to you, it doesn't hold you, it doesn't keep you warm at night. We can't always meet someone exactly when we want to but how do we want to spend our time until a special person comes a long. Do we want to spend our time nursing ourselves with food or do we want to spend our time discovering who we are and what is unique about us? On lonely nights and weekends, rent movies that make you laugh, go to museums, meet up with friends, take walks to look at autumn leaves.

You all deserve love, whether you're in a relationship, or not, but instead of food being your substitute for love, eating well can be an every day way that you care for and love yourself.

Autor: Michelle Fiordaliso

Michelle Fiordaliso, writer and psychotherapist
Clinical director of ShrinkYourself.com
Shrink Yourself is the Proven Online Program Designed to End Emotional Eating

Added: May 26, 2009
Source: http://ezinearticles.com/