Overcoming Bulimia

Emotional eating affects so many of us but what you need to know is the there are darker sides of emotional eating and bulimia is one of them.

Bulimia is an eating disorder where a person consumes a huge amount of food and then attempts to purge it from their system by vomiting, taking laxatives or exercising excessively. The pattern itself can become addictive and despite promises made to oneself that each time will be the last time, the behavior continues. Bingeing and purging often leads to feelings of shame, guilt and self-hatred, not mention what it can do to your body and teeth.

I often tell emotional eaters that using food may provide a few moments of relief or comfort but it can never get you what you really need. And in the same way, purging might give you a symbolic feeling that you are wiping the slate clean or getting rid of something you don't want. But it can never take away the things that you are really trying to get rid of for example, anxiety, fear, regret, sadness, abuse, etc.

This week I interviewed a woman who struggled with bulimia for many years. I thought it would be good for you to hear, in her words, what her experiences were so that you might find some strength and hope on your own journey.

Q: How old were you when it started?

A: I started experimenting when I was about 15 and then really began when I was 17.

Q: How long did it go on for?

A: The worst of it was for about 6 years. After that it took years to stop all together. I probably didn't stop completely until my early thirties. I am now forty. As recent as two years ago I had a one time slip.

Q: How often did you binge and purge?

A: At first it was a few times a week and then every day. Then for a period of time it progressed to 3 times a day.

Q: Why did you binge and purge?

A: To escape my life. To not feel my feelings. To avoid conflicts. To express my anger (the only problem with that is that I took it out on myself because I was unable to express my anger to the appropriate people in my life). To hurt myself because I was used to being hurt and neglected. To repeat on some level the abuse I experienced as a kid. To numb myself. To think of nothing but food so that I would have some relief from emotional pain (I didn't realize though that it was causing another kind of pain). To attain perfection because I felt interminably not good enough. To control my environment. To attempt order because I grew up in an atmosphere of tremendous chaos. It gave me an illusion of control. To feel "clean." I felt dirty and bad. I was symbolically trying to rid my self of all the "bad" in me. To stay connected to my mother (She had an eating problem. She was very overweight) I didn't want to be fat like her. I was disgusted by her weight but I felt tied to her and scared to separate and our common obsession and fixation on food was something we could share. To feel masterful and good at SOMETHING. Because of very low self-esteem I was going to have a good body and be faultless in my eating. I could be perfect and not let one "bad" thing go in my body. If I ate something bad I'd get rid of it. To avoid my life and my career. A place to put all my time and energy. Feeling afraid and unable to pursue my dreams I needed something to absorb me.

Without emotional support in my life and with too much shame to share myself with others food was used for nurturance and self-soothing. It was something reliable that would always be there for me. It was a safe place to express want and need, I could take my fill of food. I could take all I wanted and not risk rejection. With people I felt like I wanted and needed too much. But with food I could take as much as I wanted or needed.

Q: Did you promise yourself each time that it would be the last?

A: Yes. Every time I swore to myself that I'd never do it again.

Q: How did you try to stop?

A: By avoiding "bad foods." By exercising thinking that if I felt fit and trim I wouldn't try to manage my weight with binging and purging (but it wasn't about weight. On the surface yes, but the truth is I wasn't even trying to lose weight). Also with psychotherapy and Overeaters Anonymous.

Q: What things were most effective in helping you stop?

A: Psychotherapy, more specifically a very loving therapist, body work, and yoga.

Q: What were some signs that you were getting better?

A: Curiosity and desire for things in the world. Less attention and focus on food and what and where and when I would eat. Eating too much and feeling a sense of acceptance instead of panic. Flexibility around food and being less rigid. Being open to more social situations where I wouldn't be able to control my food.

Q: What would you tell other people that are binging and purging?

A: Please don't do it (easier said than done I know). Please stop hurting yourself. I know personally how hard it is not to (even if consciously you don't want to) and I have absolutely no judgment of anyone who engages in the behavior but I learned the hard way how much damage you can do to yourself. I destroyed my teeth and had to have a complete reconstruction. It was painful and costly and took several years to complete. I felt like my bulimia took years from my life and ten years to heal from. It is something I have had to take responsibility for but I have often felt robbed and cheated of a lot of time. I don't think most people who binge and purge realize the possible consequences.

I guess I would just say that if you are binging and purging please get help. Please find someone to talk to. It's too hard to do alone.

If you struggle with bulimia, I hope that something here sheds some light for you on your life. Beware of a voice in your head that says anything like "I might throw up once in awhile but I'm not as bad as her" or "I have it under control." That's a sign that you're trying to justify your behavior and trick yourself into believing it's okay to continue binging and purging. Emotional eaters find themselves turning to food more and more once it has been installed as a coping mechanism, and bulimics find themselves purging more and more as life becomes stressful. Getting help works. You are not alone and you don't have to face this by yourself.

Autor: Michelle Fiordaliso

Michelle Fiordaliso, writer and psychotherapist
Clinical director of ShrinkYourself.com
Shrink Yourself is the Proven Online Program Designed to End Emotional Eating

Added: June 25, 2009
Source: http://ezinearticles.com/