Anorexia and Bulimia - I Don't Know How to Approach My Eating Disordered Daughter

When you talk to your daughter about her eating disordered behavior, focus on the behaviorial changes you have seen and not on how you feel. When I say focus on behavior, I mean give specific and concrete examples of what you have seen and are seeing in her behavior that concerns you.

Let her know you would like to talk and when you sit down with her, say something like, "I am concerned about some changes in you I am seeing and here is what I have been noticing." Then give examples that will probably similar to some of the following:

There are more and more foods every week you will not eat. Give specific examples like; butter, salad dressing, and any foods she asks you about when you are preparing meals. State any foods she has mentioned that she won't eat and anything that is a change in her eating habits.

Often after meals you disappear and I don't see you for a while. Be prepared for an excuse or argument with any of these observations and just keep moving. You may need to say, "I am just telling you what I am noticing," and go on down the list.

You don't want to go out to eat with us like you used to.

You are spending more time at home and not as much time with your friends. The other night one of your friends invited you over and you said no.

I don't see you eat breakfast anymore. Be prepared for any of her responses like; "I eat at school." Don't argue or try to convince her you are right. You can also say, "Right now I am talking, you can have your turn in a minute."

If you have evidence of weight loss like from a recent doctor appointment, say that too. Mention anything you have evidence of or have seen or heard.

The school nurse called me the other day and said you are not eating lunch at school. If she gets too overwhelmed and it appears she cannot handle any more, stop at any point on your list because you can always talk about those at another time. Just say one or two things if she starts getting too upset.

It is preferable if you can do this with both parents present so you communicate you are together on this issue. If that is not possible then one of you have the conversation. If one of you has a more difficult relationship with her and you are concerned she will be more defensive; then whoever has the most solid relationship can do it. You know her and your family; do whatever you think is best.

If the conversation quickly goes downhill; she gets defensive or angry, you can say, "We don't have to talk about this anymore right now. I will touch base with you tomorrow after school and we can talk more then. I just want you to know we are concerned and we need to find a way to talk about this." If she tries to argue, stand your ground and end it for the night.

It is probably best to have the conversation early in the day; right after school or during the day on the weekend. It will make bedtime a lot easier and less anxiety provoking for her if she has some time to decompress before trying to sleep.

Remember, this conversation is only to lay the groundwork for future conversations. The goal for the first discussion is to just get communication flowing, then revisit it the next day or soon after that. Don't set your goals too high of wanting her to accept or admit the problem.

Autor: Lynn A Moore

Do you want to learn more about eating disorders?

If so, download my free e-book "Eating Disorder Basics for Parents" here: http://www.why-my-daughter.com/edb.html

Lynn Moore educates, coaches, and consults parents on how to help their adolescent with eating disorder behavior. She will guide you through the treacherous waters of deciding what kind of help you need and what you, the parents need to do and can do to help your child.

Added: December 19, 2009
Source: http://ezinearticles.com/