The first time you talk to your daughter about her eating disordered behavior do not set your goals too high. Be realistic about what she is going to be able to take in and and don't be upset if it doesn't go well. This is a high powered issue and she believes she has a lot to lose. Just take one step at a time and use the following goals for your first discussion.
1) Present evidence, observations and behaviors; not emotion, other than perhaps concern. She may try to argue about your evidence, but the reality is she will have no traction with this. The facts are the facts. Present them that way.
2) Be calm and matter of fact, the less emotion you can show the better. You almost need to treat it like a business meeting if you can, so you can keep your emotion out of it. You can express your own emotions later, behind your closed bedroom door or with your spouse or a friend.
3) Begin communication and plan to end the conversation without any resolution. It is a process and this is only the first step on a long journey. Dip your toe in the water, don't jump into the deep end with her. Let her think about it and plan to talk again the next day. This will allow her to gain some distance from it and perhaps be more objective.
4) Communicate through your matter of fact and calm manner that you are serious and in control. It is basically a warning to the eating disorder that his days of controlling your daughter's mind are numbered.
You are not communicating you have all the control and she has none. You are essentially saying you are the parent and are strong enough to step into the middle of all this with her. She is not alone. You don't tell her all of this, you show it by how you talk to her.
5) Show her you are not panicked so she cannot easily dismiss you and your concerns. Act like you have your wits about you, and that you know what you are doing; even if you don't. Then use your resources and take one step at a time. If she sees you as panicked it will be too easy for her to dismiss you. You see this as life and death, she feels threatened and wants to believe you are overreacting.
When you set realistic goals for yourself and your daughter, you will not be upset or disappointed with the outcome. Remember this is one step of many you will have to take.
Autor: Lynn A Moore
Do you want to learn more about eating disorders?
If so, download my free e-book "Eating Disorder Basics for Parents" here http://www.why-my-daughter.com/edb.html
Lynn Moore educates, coaches, and consults parents on how to help their adolescent with eating disorder behavior. She will guide you through the treacherous waters of deciding what kind of help you need and what you, the parents need to do and can do to help your child.
Added: December 16, 2009
Source: http://ezinearticles.com/
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