Let's say you already had your initial discussion with your daughter about her eating disordered behavior. Whether it went well or not, the next conversation you have may be just as important as the first. This is when you tell her what plan of action you are going to take. Realistically, this conversation could happen any time, but often it is the second talk where doctor visits are mentioned.
When you sit down, you may want to ask her what she has been thinking since you last talked, then how she is feeling. When she begins to talk, just listen. Once she talks a bit and she is still having trouble admitting there is a problem, ask her if she wants you to go over again the things you have noticed. Most likely she will say no. You can then say something like, "I know this is hard, and we need to deal with it. I will help you and you have to help yourself too."
Hopefully this conversation will go better, and even if it doesn't, the next step is to tell her you have made an appointment at the doctor and tell her when it is. If this escalates, just let her know she will have to go to the appointment, this is non-negotiable, but you don't have to talk about it anymore right then. Again, you'll check in with her later about it and end the discussion. On appointment day take her to the doctor.
You might want to call the doctor ahead of time and let her know what is going on and what you want from her. Sometimes physicians will unwittingly say something that will communicate to her that it is not that serious.
Let the doctor know you would like her to recommend in front of your daughter that they see a nutritionist, then a counselor. It can help to have this come from the doctor instead of from you. Then all you are doing is following doctor's orders. The doctor said this is what we need to do, so this is what we are going to do. Follow through no matter what.
You are setting the tone that in this process there are some things that are not negotiable; and these appointments are some of those things. Throughout this whole process you are laying groundwork for future conversations and expectations.
Where the eating disorder is concerned, you need to show consistent tone, mood, and responses so she knows what to expect. If at one meal you are firm and clear in your expectations, and the next meal you get wishy washy and give in when the eating disorder kicks and screams, she will see that as a crack in your armor and take advantage of it.
She needs to know that every time she shows up to the table she is going to get the same response; firm, calm and loving expectations. She will eventually see she is going to have to eat more. It won't happen overnight, but it will happen.
Autor: Lynn A Moore
Do you want to learn more about eating disorders?
If so, download my free e-book "Eating Disorder Basics for Parents" here http://www.why-my-daughter.com/edb.html
Lynn Moore educates, coaches, and consults parents on how to help their adolescent with eating disorder behavior. She will guide you through the treacherous waters of deciding what kind of help you need and what you, the parents need to do and can do to help your child.
Added: December 14, 2009
Source: http://ezinearticles.com/
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