Most parents have difficulty understanding what is going on in their daughters mind and why they would starve themselves, binge and/or purge. When you don't have an eating disorder it is not easy to grasp why these thoughts and fears are so strong and why it is so hard to change them.
There are multiple layers to understanding your daughter, and the emotion of anxiety is an important one. When she has the thought that if she eats a particular food she will get fat, the emotion that follows is anxiety and the resulting behavior is avoidance of that food.
Avoidance is a coping skill that works for her and relieves her of anxiety at least in the short term. The problem is the more she uses the avoidance, the more reinforced that coping skill of avoidance becomes because it relieves her of anxiety she does not otherwise know how to deal with.
This then becomes habitual to avoid any feelings of discomfort and anxiety. This particular food takes on increasing power to frighten her and she will avoid it at any cost. That is why when you are sitting at the table she asks if there is butter in the recipe, because she has placed it on her forbidden food list and this rule cannot be broken. If the rule is broken she will feel extreme anxiety.
Her thought and belief is that if she avoids this particular food she is safe; she will not get fat. The other belief is that if she does not eat it she will not feel anxious or scared. There is really little to no incentive initially to face her fear and eat the forbidden food because to do so would mean her worst fear will come true. Avoidance of anxiety becomes one of her primary goals, food causes her anxiety, and over time more and more foods are added to her forbidden list.
So the thought, "This will make me fat," plus the emotion of anxiety results in avoidance of any unsafe food. It is a vicious cycle that can only be changed when she faces her fears about eating the food on her forbidden list. Most girls need the help of a nutritionist who can help them develop a meal plan that includes these unacceptable foods. The nutritionist can also provide accountability that your daughter needs to actually try the foods she fears.
You need to learn how to coach her through these times when she does finally face these fears. Her anxiety will be overwhelming and she will fight to keep her rules that give her safety from anxiety and weight gain.
Autor: Lynn A Moore
Do you want to learn more about eating disorders? If so, download my free e-book "Eating Disorder Basics for Parents" here http://www.why-my-daughter.com/edb.html.
Lynn Moore educates, coaches, and consults parents on how to help their adolescent with eating disorder behavior. She will guide you through the treacherous waters of deciding what kind of help you need and what you, the parents need to do and can do to help your child.
Added: January 7, 2010
Source: http://ezinearticles.com/
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