Bulimia Effects on Intimate and Sexual Relationships

Bulimia affects many areas of a sufferer's life. One of the most affected is the area of relationships (especially intimate and sexual relationships).

The latest research found that:

- People with bulimia have insecure attachments to partners.
- Have poor quality or absent intimate relationships.
- Experience self-silencing, self-consciousness during sexual activity.
- Bulimic women attempt to change themselves trying to meet the perceived expectations of their partners.
- Bulimics often have a negative attitude to their partners and feel that they always attract a wrong person.
- Some bulimics completely avoid intimate relationships and substitute them with their bulimia.
- Many believe that if they had to choose between bulimia and an intimate partner, they would choose bulimia.

Why all these happen?

The answer probably would be that bulimia as a mental state is based on feelings of emotional secrecy, guilt, shame and anxiety. All these negative feelings override the emotions on which stable intimate relationships are built. It is obvious to everyone that it is impossible to create loving relationships out of guilty and shameful feelings.

Many sufferers treat their partners in the same way they relate to food and eating: unrealistically. They can literally "binge" on their relationships, having numerous partners and being promiscuous for some time but later on "purge" them up by being intolerable, rejecting, blaming everyone and ruin the good relationships they once had.

Refusing to grow up is also an important component of this illness. By changing her body and stopping her menstruation (a condition known as amenorrhea) the woman regresses to childhood and avoids the challenges of normal adults (this includes relationships, sex, having children and holding a job).
Some patients manage to get married and have children but their relationships don't bring them the proper satisfaction they normally expect from marriage. This can happen for a number of reasons:

1. Bulimics are unhappy with themselves.
2. Because of their insecurities and feelings of guilt they may attract a person with psychological problems also (insecure, unstable and addicted to something).
3. The addiction to binge and purge can go so far that it becomes unmanageable and their marriage can finish because of it.

Co-existing personality disorders and other mental illnesses also play the role in what bulimics do with their relationships. It is not uncommon when people with bulimia have obsessive-compulsive disorder, depression, anxiety, borderline personality disorder, panic disorders, self-mutilation, alcoholism, drug addiction and other.

Having co-existing illness is an added complication for them developing intimate relationships even more so, often making it impossible to begin and/or sustain any relationships?
What is a solution for all of this?

By directing the person's attention away food, weight, body image and quieting the brain from "useless clatter "is a great first step to helping bulimics overcome their affliction.
Another way is to work with the subconscious mind of the patient, remove the subconscious blockages that caused the bulimia in the first place. They have to substitute bad bulimic feelings with positive constructive behaviours.

By doing this sufferers are able to revive their existing relationships which have turned sour due to their bulimia, or acquire new positive and healthy relationships with the person they like.

Conclusion: First and foremost the bulimic has to take a step back and realise that it is the bulimia that is destroying their chances of having a full and satisfying relationship.
Being sneaky and secretive about their bulimia is not conducive to having a successful relationship. Blaming their inadequacies on their partners and looking for the easy way out so they can continue with their erratic behaviour, will not help.

The sufferer has to start to consciously identify their feelings and analyse them to see if it is the bulimia that is talking. If it is then they have to dismiss it immediately and change these thoughts to better more positive ones.
Like: instead of thinking about all the negative things about their partner, think of all the good points they have.
The bulimic has to break their conceived pre-programming or the subconscious blockages that are holding them back. Mindful awareness has the best result in reprogramming the subconscious mind.

Autor: Irina Webster

Dr Irina Webster MD is a recognised authority in the eating disorders area. She is an author of a best-selling book "Cure Your Eating Disorder: 5 Step Program to Change Your Brain". To read more about eating disorders and mindfulness go to http://www.eating-disorders-books.com

Added: January 9, 2010
Source: http://ezinearticles.com/