It is not unusual for adolescents who exhibit eating disordered behavior to not want to talk. They are using the eating disordered behaviors to mask or distract themselves from thoughts and feelings they don't know how to express. Yet we expect them to put words to what they are experiencing.
It is challenging enough to get your teenager to talk, let alone one who has an eating disorder. So here are some tips for having discussions with your daughter or son.
Keep it short and simple. We adults have a tendency to overwhelm adolescents with words. Parents will often speak paragraphs or pages to their kids and are lucky to get one sentence back in return.
Sometimes as a therapist I will say something and I know immediately when I have lost them. I get the blank look and hopefully they will say, "Huh?" or "What did you just say?" I realize I used too many words and try to simplify it the best I can. You've probably seen that blank look too. Watch for it and adjust accordingly. The fewer words we use the better.
Adolescents get very frustrated when we adults talk them to death. Ask a short, simple question. "What was the hardest part of your week?" Then be quiet and wait for an answer. Don't fill the silence. My experience is that often adolescents need to think and if I will wait them out, they will speak and say what they are really thinking. We adults are too quick on the draw.
Don't expect long, in depth conversations. If they happen great, but often adolescents will talk in spurts in between silliness, silence or some other distraction. Just keep bringing them back on topic after the subject change. They are anxious and uncomfortable talking about their thoughts and feelings and this is one way they reduce their anxiety.
Make light of this and use humor. I often say to my adolescent clients, "There you go changing the subject again." or "Good try but you haven't answered my question yet." They will smile or laugh and I might say, "Yeah, you're busted." Just be laid back and don't treat it like it is life or death if they talk to you or not.
Try to keep times when you are having fun just that...fun. There is the reality of timing and catching your adolescent in a good frame of mind, but you don't want to spoil a really good thing either. Maybe a good way to look at it is to catch them when they are in a neutral space.
When you are having a good one on one time shopping, eating lunch, driving them to something they are looking forward to; fill their emotional tank with positive conversation and affirmation. Enjoy them instead of trying to use their positive mood to talk about difficult issues.
Autor: Lynn A Moore
Do you want to learn more about eating disorders?
If so, download my free e-book "Eating Disorder Basics for Parents" here http://www.why-my-daughter.com/edb.html
Lynn Moore educates, coaches, and consults parents on how to help their adolescent with eating disorder behavior. She will guide you through the treacherous waters of deciding what kind of help you need and what you, the parents need to do and can do to help your child.
Added: January 30, 2010
Source: http://ezinearticles.com/
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